Doubt
by KitandMip
Summary: Pepito reflects on emotions, his Amigo, and doing the impossible. One-sided PepSquee, a bit angsty. Prequel to Doubt Resolved


The darkness. Ever since I've born, it's been with me. Father says it's my destiny, to take the darkness from around me and conquer the world. Sometimes, I almost think I actually want to do this.

Other times, when I'm with him, I don't.

Mother always said that everyone had someone out there, but I never believed her. Then I saw two big brown eyes staring at me from the zombie mass at school. I had to have him. He had to be mine.

I remember the first time I invited him over. He was so scared, shaking in his little shoes, but he never gave in.

Father threatened and promised, I screamed, but still he said no. He refused to join us in darkness. That was when I first began to doubt.

Is the darkness so grand, when the one person who has made a place in my heart rejects it? What is eternal power and eternal life without my Amigo?

His eyes the first time I called him that. They got so wide, even wider then usual. Like no one has ever shown him affection before.

I don't think anyone has. You can see it in his eyes. Those big, brown, innocent, all-knowing eyes.

No eyes should see what his eyes have seen, seem to see still.

We thought he was getting better, yet it seems that every step forward comes with two steps back.

The nightmares, the screaming, the conversations with that mangled old bear, it's amazing my Amigo made it this far. But he is strong.

It's true. I've seen his strength. The strength to live through a doped up mother, an abusive father, and a homicidal neighbor. The strength to walk into Hell and stand up to Satan himself.

Sometimes I envy him. Every time he wakes up screaming from another nightmare, but still has the courage to go to sleep again, I look at him, and wonder how any one child could be so strong.

I am not strong. I know I have to have a strength of some kind, or else I cannot rule the world, but I will never have the strength my Amigo has. I will never be able to look Father in the eye and tell him no.

I cannot even tell my Amigo that he alone has the key to my heart.

I gave it to him long ago. It was soon after Mother and I rescued him from that wretched mental institution, when he clung to me and screamed endlessly whenever I left.

I could not always be with him; my training would not allow it. But I wanted to give him some part of me. I searched so hard to find something, but nothing worked.

Finally, Mother took pity on me, and showed me the key. She said that it fit the lock Father had put on my heart when I was born, that whoever had it could unlock my human heart and have it for their own.

I did not believe her at first, could not understand how anything could unlock what has been shut away since I first emerged, but it is true.

I knew it was true the minute I gave my Amigo the key. It seems to have helped him. The nightmares are less and less frequent, and he can stand almost 15 minutes away from me now.

But what amazes me more, what truly threw me off my stride, is that the minute he touched it, something in my chest felt warm, something that has been empty and cold for as long as I can remember.

My Amigo has done the impossible. He has awoken my human side, lifted it up to the surface. He has made the Antichrist doubt the very thing for which he stands.

He has made me doubt that everything is truly so wrong with the light.

Most people think I hate God. I think I did at one point, but I cannot anymore. How can I hate the one that gave me him?

The bastard probably planned this. Oh, how he must be laughing, to know that his archrival's only son would happily renounce his father and all the ideals he has been raised on for the love of a small human.

It is true. I would give up all I have, all I am, to be able to tell my Amigo that I love him. And I would give up even more to hear him say it back.

But that can never happen. I am not that strong. So many times I have tried to tell him, and just as many times I have failed, because I am afraid.

There, I said it. The son of Satan, the Prince of Darkness, the Alter Boy of Doom, is afraid. If he rejected me, told me that my love could not be returned, I could not bear it. That would be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Perhaps, in the future, when I am stronger, I will tell him. But for now, I will simply be there.

I will hold him when he has nightmares, beat back the zombies at skool, and make sure that no one ever tries to douse the light in my Amigo's eyes again.

He deserves this at least, to live the rest of his life in bliss. And I will make sure it happens.

It is the least I can do for my Amigo, my special one.

It is the least I can do for the lone ray of light brave enough to venture it my dark.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Figures, I don't write for months, and the first thing that comes out of me when I do is angsty boy-fluff. Still, it was fun to work with this series ^^ and pepito and Squee are so cute.

I don't own anything, but if the position of antichrist is up for grabs, I've got dibs :D


End file.
